Now Banned from Performing at Gillette Stadium

Recaps

Welcome back, my dudes (and dudette). Not a bad showing from everyone, including those pesky NFL teams (except the greatest of them all - the Patriots).

With the abysmal failing of my personal favorite baseball team at the hands of their hated rival, all I want is to be excited by one of our hometown sports teams and .. well .. at least the Celtics should be pretty good, even though the FUCKING TRADED PERHAPS MY FAVORITE PLAYER OF THEIRS.

[L] Two hotdogs one bun
[W] My Guys

Oh cool. The rich just keep getting richer.

My Guys with the absolute glut of riches finds himself in ultra-first-place as the lone undefeated squad in the league.

This fucker had quite possibly one of the most balanced offensive outputs I've ever seen with 6 starting players in the 20s and then 3 more on the fucking bench (which actually outscored two teams in this fucking league).

Apologies to Two hotdogs one bun that you had to go against this absolute richer. At 0-3 and in next-to-last place, somehow you're going to have to crank this shit up moving forward. At least Ja'Marr is giving you some output, unlike his dipshit teammate Mazda Miata Marv.

How the fuck can someone who came from hall of fame loins be so fucking horrible?

[W] Olave it Hurts
[L] darnold's pizza kitchen

Josh Allen had a fairly pedestrian day, and a small handful of others couldn't even top 10 points, but Olave it Hurts has nothing to sweat having the absolute fucking stud, Jahmyr Gibbs. 41.4 fucking points erases a lot of poor roster decisions, like for example, having 2 fucking kickers.

darnold's pizza kitchen had himself a fuckin painful week - especially with one of the higher (lower?) points being the realization that maybe David Montgomery and Chase Brown aren't the dynamic backs that they once were.

But at least you have yourself a couple of funny names on the roster.

Tittyareoala McMillan and,,

What a couple of boobs!

Hopefully Caleb comes back soon because methinks Bryce isn't as good as his week 1+2 outputs.

[W] Jed York and the Criminal Tools
[L] Great Googly Moogly

Two rosters carried by their NFC West quarterbacks who also feature a couple of mediocre Patriots running backs. It's like some asshole mirror matchup.

Thankfully Jed York and the Criminal Tools pulled off the win because losing out on 25 fuckin points because you had Bowers in an IR spot that you should have probably tried to put Adonai or Caleb in would definitely turn someone into a maniac if you had lost

You better thank fuckin god Brock is back because Terrance was absolute cheeks.

Great Googly Moogly needs to scrounge up any win he can get because holy shit, you got some fuckin injury problems. You're stuck depending on motherfuckin' Alvin "oh shit you got that on" Kamara and TreVeyon "I'm a fuckin weirdo god squad guy" Henderson as your running backs. I don't really know if Jordan Mason or Jonah Coleman were going to be him (or them), but now we'll probably never know because they've been banished to the Shadow IRealm.

[L] Slava I Crain
[W] AJ "Boxy" Brown

Welp. Fuck that win streak for Slava I Crain. Holy fuck you got dogwalked by AJ "Boxy" Brown who led the league with 173+ points for the week.

People rant and rave about Gibbs, but holy shit Bijan Robinson is so fucking good. And now despite the fact that Arizona is regressing to their usual wet baby shit status, Jeremiyah Love is fuckin good. What a double-barreled blast of fun them shits are going to be.

And I don't mean to jinx or reverse-jinx nothin' but Davante Adams can't possibly keep this fuckin pace up while Mr Teethmarks Nacua is still out with rabies. Hope you get to ride that high for as long as you can.

Slava I Crain didn't even have that bad of a showing this week. Sure he didn't top triple digits, but god damn given that he has to deal with the stupid fuckin double dipshit headed monster of Baker Mayfield and CJ Stroud, he's not doing that bad. I guess at least if Jonathan Taylor was going to suck sweaty vinegar balls, it would be during a week where even a 40-point showing wouldn't have done shit.

Better luck next week, unless it's against me (or maybe the wife).

[L] European Capitals
[W] El Gring BRO Luchador

Good God, when it rains it pours, and unfortunately European Capitals is trapped in a diarrhea downpour and even his goggles do nothing:

• Jalen Hurts shidded the bed
• Saquon hasn't topped 10 points yet this season
• ETN isn't just passed his prime, he is OUT
• Malik Nabers ain't doin shit with Jameis or 9 tossing him the skin
• Tucker Kraft, Dontayvion, Odunze, Woody ... all garbage (although Odunze is disturbingly consistent to say the least)

That said, we all owe European Capitals a debt of gratitude. The man jumped on so many grenades so we wouldn't make the mistake of drafting the player. As usual, Europe has to save our collective American asses.

Now, when you come to the other hemisphere, and then head a little south, El Gring BRO Luchador is bringing the fuckin heat. Not only does he have some absolute fucking studs in the MotherShougher and JSN ripping shit apart, he has Burrow on the bench and the good Jaylen staying productive and ready to start.

Now, I know the matchup between starting rosters wasn't that close, but damn the Battle of the Benches was exciting as fuck.

Instead of this median scoring malarkey, perhaps we count wins/losses based off of bench output. Personally, I think that's a really fucking great idea!

[W] The Lying Media
[L] TreVeyon My Wayward Son

Well shit. Lookie who is reaping all the benefits of this Chiefs resurgence. Sure, it's not like I'm dropping loads of points from Kelce/Mahomer/Butker (with Worthy on the bench), but it's definitely helping me along quite a bit. I can't beleive I originally drafted Kyler Murray thinking he was going to be my #1 QB over Patrick.

What a fuckin idiot, I was am had been are.

TreVeyon My Wayward Son .. man. You are gettin absolutely hosed by your QB room. Drake Maye fuckin sucks. Justin Herbert is probably the biggest idiot interception guy in the league. I don't even know who you could pick up to fix that mess. And unfortunately, you can't even concentrate on that shit right now because Achane is now on the IR and the only other RB you have available is like a third stringer on the Seahawks.

Fin

Week 3 is dead and gone!

Now, I know I say this a lot so I might as well continue saying it over, and over, and over, and over again: I ain't got time to proof-read, so if you happened to notice any typos or grammar issues, no you didn't.

Hope anyone here that is actually still enjoying the MLB playoffs continue to do so. For me personally, that shit has been relegated to background sound while I'm cooking shit with my daughter (best sous chef out there when it comes to rinsing and drying veggies).

Don't forget: it's Spooktober season, so get them decorations up if that's some try-hard shit you enjoy doing. If you don't enjoy doing it, then fuckin don't you god damn Halloween-Grinch.

As usual, stay healthy, stay safe, take care of yourselves, fuck the yankees, and see you jerks next week. Love you guys.