Joe Throwgan

Yeah. I ain't got shit to bitch about.

Well .. I have plenty on the list:

• Rock n Jock sports
• Dude you're getting Odell
• Kyrie > Q'Aaron
• How much you all rule

But do I have the capacity to write it down?

GAMES

ATLIENS @ NO

Is this that Saintsy/Falconsy game I've heard so much about?

What started as a letdown by the Saints ended up being a great close game with a bit of redemption for Matt Ryan and them Falcons. They actually won a comeback.

DEN @ DAL

Dak's back!
Oh shit!

Last time the Cowboys defeated the Broncos, we had Aikman and Elway in the league and it was 1995. How does a team named the Cowboys have trouble with some dumb horsey team??

This game wasn't even fuckin close. Them Boys hit 200-yards of offense with 5 minutes left .. in the fucking fourth quarter.

NE @ CAR

🚨 NSFW 🚨

Pure.

Sex.

The dogs were barking and the Patriots won their game on the road in Carolina.

New England not only gained on the AFC East crown, but they also happened to climb the ladder on most of the AFC.

Fuck if I know my survivor, but Patriots fans are that guy. AFC East and rest of AFC are the two women.

OK, now that I'm done explaining and thereby ruining the joke, let's talk about how The Darnold may have finally been absolutely broken by Belichick? The Chin Man started out hot going 3-0 but since he's been fuckin up left and right, and this reunion with the Haunted Hoodie and his ghosts,

It was a pleasantly boring game, really. And I kinda, sorta, loved it. Let's fuckin go.

MIN @ BAL

First half Vikings + second half Ravens = 2004 Patriots (aka Greatest Team of All Time)

I didn't really catch much of this game, but it sounds like Minnesota may just have crushed their fans' hearts once again. A major hint was someone trying to describe their thoughts on being a Vikings fan:

I imagine being a Vikings fan is a lot like being a Jets fan except they're burdened with the curse of hope.

NFC North teams defeated by a game winning Justin Tucker field goal:
Detroit Lions
Minnesota Vikings
Chicago Bears (11/21)
Green Bay Packers (12/19)

CLE @ CIN

DPJ dad gonna post an 11-minute video after this one

Baker Mayfield literally visited Cincinatti and just went to fucking town on the Dolly Parton Towers. Absolutely fucked the bajeesus out of that city.

Now. I don't think Odell is a bad NFL player. I think he's pretty fuckin good at running routes, catching the ball, and I'm pretty sure he's peppered a couple passes here and there .. of course, so much of it was so fucking long ago.

And as someone that carries Mr. Beckham Jr. on their keeper league roster, he's been a god damn waste of funds for a couple seasons now.

I don't understand what the fuck is the dude's problem with his own teammates. I feel like players do actually enjoy him, but when game time comes, he just doesn't have the discipline to follow a structured gameplan.

I just fucking hope he goes to a team that he wants to play for. He's really fucking fun to watch when he's absolutely murdering defenses.

BUF @ JAX

Josh Allen on Josh Allen crime.

The mic'd up is very entertaining:

HOU @ MIA

Please. Please don't make me do this.

There were nine combined turnovers.
4 fumbles.
5 interceptions.

Good fucking God, sorry a sorry display of what these two teams assume "NFL Quality" means,

OAK @ NYFG

Sure, there's a bit of a rivalry with the Patriots .. and that whole kerfuffle with Jack "choke on some dickbag, you dickbag" Tatum paralyzing Darryl Stingley ,, then apologizing for a book. Yeah, that's right, I have the power of the column.

So yeah, along with the family of Tina Tintor (& Max), https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-for-tina-tintor-max?qid=e9536a6c950d18c1589ec32ef54e799a

I also feel for the organization. On the heels of the realization that their head coach was anything but Raider material (being a racist, mysoginistic, homophobic, piece of shit), their young star receiver murders a woman and her dog because of a DUI, and then another young cornerback completes his downward spiral by threatening people with weapons.

Hope the locker room has each other's backs, the team has counselors available for those who need it, and ultimately they can find something or someone to rally around.

Going back to that link above - it's remarkable to see the outpouring of support. If anyone feels compelled, it's still active and it is the legitimate gofundme for the victim and her pup.

Now, as far as football .. I truly have nooooo fucking clue what happened with this game. For all I know the Raiders won and the team has found its true leader in the Mascara'd Carr (I can never remember if it's Derek or David or what).

But if the Giants won, I guess Joe Judge earned himself another week of suicides, oklahoma drills, and lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap of running.

SDC @ PHI

Let's see what I have in my notes for this game,,,

Yeeaaaaah...

GB @ KC

Hahahaha, fucking Q'Aaron. My only regret is that this shit didn't hit the fan any earlier than it did. I could have been on top of all the gaht dang memery, putting all of you in a better situation

Well, let's take to the interwebs to see how some fans thought the game went,

Mmmmmm.. hmmm..

ARI @ SF

I don't understand the 49ers. They seemed to be consistently good, occasionally great, capable of making runs deep into the playoffs, and recently appeared to be trending upwards.

It's almost like Mahomes absolutely broke the SF 49ers when they played in the Super Bowl. It's like this team can't do anything well.

'Zona on the other hand, is missing literally every single offensive skill position and needed to suit up the entire practice squad to even get half of their OLine in uniform. Absolutely incredible that Kurt Warner signed a 3-hour contract to play QB, and his wife Gozer the Gozerian able to play some receiver.

CHI @ PIT

What a game by Josh Fields, and did you know that Najee Harris grew up in a hole in the ground to become a college janitor who solved some crazy unsolvable math problem during the combine? Fuckin' wild.

Oh, and NFL refs are pure fuckin traysh.

What the fuck??

Recapses

L - 91.68 (3-6) 2Girls CooperKupp

W - 142.74 (3-6) Slim Shady 💩

What the fuck, 40 fucking poitns from Jimbo Connor?? WHY?? The fuck is he still in the league for??

I hope you're proud, Slim Shady 💩. You had to go ahead and win by 50+ points, completely shit all over 2Girls, perhaps place it back into some sort of dish meant for ice cream .. and .. well,

That's right.

L - 74.38 (5-4) McCorkle Ascendant

W - 126.04 (4-5) Ethel St False Start

The fuck was this 74 point showing last week McCorkle?? HUH?? Sheeeeit.

Ahh well, I should move on just like that time I learned an ex-girlfriend had actually murdered a couple of my friends - and then the real twist was that she wasn't even real!

Yeah anyway, how about that Freiermuth guy? I hope he doesn't get any good because his last name is a fucking piece of shit to spell out.I guess I could just call him Friedmont or something.

Friedmont.

Oh shit, I see some goose eggs in the Cowboys D/ST (against Denver like we all predicted) and Greg the Leg.

The fuck is his name still Greg the Leg anyway? Doesn't he suck now?

L - 51.56 (1-8) electric avenue shit sandwiches

W - 119.96 (6-3) Team DJ BOMB SQUAD

1-8

51.56

Trade causing a kerfuffle

Bench was 1.12 points from tying the starting lineup

YAAAAAAS

Oh, and good job Team DJ BOMB SQUAD. But not nearly as hilarious.

L - 103.1 (6-3) Mighty Scarecrows

W - 119.68 (6-3) Golder 🏈 Team

Oh shit, it's getting crowded at the top.

Jesus, Scarecrows got fucking fucked by the late scratch of Murray .. after losing Derrick Henry. Yooo, what the fuck dude. Thank goodness you're at least tied for the best record cause you can't keep losing these AAA-tier players. Yes, you're welcome for the fantastical fantasy advice.

Not sure what to say Golder 🏈 Team, yes you lost, yes you should transfer your wins to me, yes Joe Burrow has a fantastic first name, yes it is mildly insane for anyone to carry Brandon Bolden on a fantasy roster,

You won. So shut my fuckin' mouth.

W - 106.32 (5-4) Shelbyville Shelbyvillian

L - 105.88 (6-3) Corpus Callosum

\o/

\o/

\o/

HA HA! WINS!

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DEFEAT ME??

THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT. BY 0.44 FUCKING POINTS. SURE, NONE OF MY PLAYERS SCORED 18 OR MORE POINTS (WELL .. ONE DID AND HE'S ON THE BENCH), BUT WHO FUCKIN CARES - CAUSE I FUCKING WON.

Wait. I'm in fucking fifth??

Fin.

Welp, a solid week of matchups. Congrats to everyone and see you all in hell, from heaven.

Take care this week and y'all better be preparing for the upcoming holidays. For Winter is Coming.