Title for the Week 10 Power Rankings during Week 11
Yeah yeah yeah, I know I just fucking emailed all of you earlier this week. It's just that skipping out on two straight weeks of power rankings left me in a state of near giving a shit.
So with this building guilt, I set upon sculpting my content. Applying some brain matter here, perhaps an empty joke that won't land there, massage a tender message of sensible empathy.
To top it off, I'll get some nice vinegary scent from the ol' taint and give it one last swipe before clicking Publish and releasing yet another steamy pile of shitwords into the glorious Ether like flushing a thicc mud monkey onto the train tracks via some Eastern European InterCity Express train toilet.
So welcome one, welcome all. We're doing this twice in one fuckin week.
Jimi Hendrix ($18,000)
1. Team DJ BOMB SQUAD
This crazy motherfucker is just running the fuck away. SLOW DOWN YOU FIEND.
Joan Baez ($10,000)
2. Poopy McGee 💩
The man just wins games and fucking obliterates his opponents. Second highest output in the league and one of only three to have broken 1300.
Creedence Clearwater Revival ($10,000)
3. S3xy Randal Pharaoh Wizards
This man's gotta blast himself with some Pharaohmones and attract more wins.
The Band ($7,500)
4. Nicotine Fit
I don't quite care about the Pts For quite yet .. and that win streak surrounded by a bunch of losers has you smack dab at number four.
Janis Joplin ($7,500)
5. Ethel St False Start
Sure. You lost this week, but you got six wins and apparently a 99% chance of making the postseason. That's pretty sweet.
Jefferson Airplane ($7,500)
6. SECOND HALF SLEEPER?
THAT'S RIGHT YOU CRAZY MOTHER FUCKER. I DON'T CARE IF YOUR CHANCES ARE ONLY 18% (did they plateau or something? what the fuck?), BECAUSE YOU HAVE A THREE-GAME WINNING STREAK AND LIKE 48,110 MORE MOVES THAN ANYONE ELSE. YOU'RE EARNING THOSE WINS AND YOU BETTER NOT FUCKING STOP.
Sly and the Family Stone ($7,500)
7. Shelybville Shelbyvillian
Record doesn't really show the amount of Dawg in 'em. And with a Pts For that would challenge playoff spots, surely the dice will start rolling in his favor soon, right? RIGHT??
Canned Heat ($6,500)
8. 2Girls CooperKupp
Well.. I hope you fare better than your namesake.
The Who ($6,250)
9. The Njoku's on You
Great team name aside, you gotta start winning games. And you gotta do it away from home, you're a dismal 0-5 in AWAY games.
Richie Havens ($6,000)
10. _ LACES OUT
Oof. You're on the wrong side of 3-7 with that four-game losing streak. But at 7% playoff probability,, I am indeed saying: you have a chance.
H/M:
- Arlo Guthrie ($5,000)
- Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young ($5,000)
- Ravi Shankar ($4,500)
- Grateful Dead ($2,250)
- Sha Na Na ($700)
Source of the figures (it's how much they were paid to play Woodstock)
