I'm a stupid title with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt

WHIRLIE KERP

Oh shit, argentina won. wowzers n shit. Anyway, here's a video,

What? It's a video. And fuck off, I know it's been like.. a week.

Shout out to Colleen Wolfe

Only one without gloves! Fuckin Carolina Panthers, Jacksonville Jaguars, and what fuckin San Francisco? A little in Seattle? These fuckers don't know cold I guess.

That Colleen, with the boss move of raw dogging that cold mic, she's established herself as the only alpha at that table. Exactly what she needs to do to keep control of the situation from the ramblings of concussed has-beens.

NFL GAMEDOM

49ers at Rainland

Kittle and Big Crock Bock really got at it on Thursday. Motherfuckers partied down and lit up them Seapigeons. That said, 13 to 21? I thought it'd be some kind of fuckin blowout or some shit.

Ahh well, I'm sure those Purdverts out there are psyched.

Lolts at Yikes

What the fuck was this game. Holy shit. I thought Saturdaddy would have been able to play up to his day and hold onto a fucking 33 to zero lead. Seriously. What the fuck happened? What did he even say during halftime??

That poor fucking Matt Ryan. You know he has one of them monkey paws and wished people would just fucking forget about 28-3.

Just incredible shit.

Frank Reich punchin air still.

Baldimore Orioles vs Sexual Assault Havers

Yo. This game sucked. So fuckin boring.

And we came in after the first quarter. Those motherfuckers blacked that shit out during the end of the other game. I would have loved to put that shit on the second screen. Fucking horseshit.

At least all of America could see that Greg Roman is one of the worst possible coordinators in football. Holy shit. Those running backs were running roughshod (whatever the fuck that shit means) but end up heavy on Huntley? AMERICA WANTS MORE. WE WANT BETTER.

Squished Fish vs. Bill's

Yo. Fuck the Dolphins.

Also, holy shit Josh Allen. 300+ yards, 4 tiddies, and no picks. God damn what a performance.

The timing of the snow was just the icing on the cake. Perfect. That god damn Lake Erie effect coming in hot.

Failcons vs. Aint's

Saints/Falcons all-time rivalry is now tied: 54 to 54.

Steeeeeers at Pound Kitties

I dunno, seemed lke he was just bein stupid and tried sayin' hi to a friend. I can't believe he was busted for treason with it. Steelers should probably cut him since they're most likely have him executed by the state.

Iggles at Brrs

Jalen got hurt, so that sucks for iggle fans.

And god damn, bears almost had this one. Justin Fields is so fuckin good at running that ball. Throwing it? He's just chuckin ducks up there. Kinda blows that a soon to be multi-millionaire, professional quarterback, doesn't have the basic motions to toss a good ball.

Unforgivable.jpg

Chefs at Tejans

It would appear. That the Texans. Can play football.

I do enjoy the fact that no matter how well the Texans play, eventually they remember they're the fucking Texans and just fuck their own shit up royally and just lose.

And holy shit, Mahomes was 36/41. Ended the game with like 20 or 21 straight completions.

Lawlboys vs. God Hates Jags

The Jaguars are fun to watch.

It's like a guy with a small dick who knows how to use it. He has heart. He makes up for his lack of size with an unwavering commitment to giving it his all with every stroke. But really he has a lot of girth. You never think about the girth. His dick was never small. It's thick. And that helps more than anything.

The Jaguars are thick. Cowboys have been use to giving their girl the long dick. They got too confident, you ain’t OG Mudbone baby. Tonight your girl was feeling adventurous. She fucked with a man with some thickness. Girth Brooks. The dark horse of cocks. Your girl was tired of getting that deep dick. She wanted to be stretched & filled. Don’t ever underestimate how girth can make your girl feel.

Thank you Jaguars for teaching a valuable lesson.

Loins at NJ

The Lions are fuckin .500 holy shit. Good for them.

(probably should watch on a desktop/wider screen)

Now let's cut to Mike White again,,

Cards vs. Donkeys

Huh. Broncos got four wins.

Good for them.

Greatriots vs. Daaaaa RRRrrrrraaiderrrrs

Maaan. What the fuck was that shit!?

I'm sure all of you have heard all the fuckin clever variations of the stupid name they've giv-.

You know what, it's late on Tuesday and I got shit to do tomorrow. I'll get to doing the recaps and hopefully get that done quick.

OK! I'm all set with the recaps. Let's get at this shit.

Oh man, this game? Fuck.

Hah.

What a fuckin loosah.

Tittians vs. Charge

I guess Chargers want into playoffs.

And with the loss, those dumbass Jaguars are closer and closer in Tennessee's rearview. Gotta watch out for them 6'4" blonde quarterbacks.

Bengals vs. Tampa Brady

What the fuck happened here? Brady had like, a million touchdown lead. And despite losing to a second half beating ,, this was actually one of the Buccs' better games this season. Haha, that fuckin suuucks.

Gints vs. Commodes

So what's up here? A 40.5 point O/U that everyone is saying the refs fuckef up? I think it's just simpler to explain that refs are bad at their job. Or at least, a number of them are. But there's a type of job security that NFL officials get that most professionals must be jealous of.

Monday Night Football at Monday Night Football

Oh right. Packers beat the Rams in the biggest win of the week. That's right. 12 points. Biggest win.

Wow.

Recaps n shit

Congrats on the round two winners. Fuck off, you round two losers.

And I feel nothing for the consolation bracket. It exists within the void of time and space. Maybe to be recognized via pulses of radiation. Itty bitty. Teeny wheenie. Pulses.

L - 147.96 (8-7) Nicotine Fit

W - 176.8 (10-5) Ethel St False Start

Holy fuckin' shit. Nicotine Fit's team was fucking lights-out with no one on the starting roster scoring fewer than 11.7 points. Even had two score exactly 12.0 points.

But it's tough to overcome when 5 of the opponent's players scored 23 or higher. Shit man, with two hitting 27 and Hurts hitting 34 and change.

The fuckin shit man. Nicotine fit, in most any other situation would have won.

Well. Maybe if he only had to play me. Or anyone in the Consolation Shit Tier.

But yeah, 147.96 fuckin points.

Just can't stop the absolute freight train that was Ethel St False Startses.

Happens to catch the rainbow in Greg SKittle, AJ Brown does his thing, the Quadfather apparently is back, and Dalvin Cook got himself a HUGE boost right at the end of his fucking dumbass god damn game. Good for him.

Can't believe some of the numbers I'm seein'. Kind of speechless. Makes Joe Mixon's contribution of 10.4 points look like a pile of shit. Even Folk Story did better with 13-even. Fuckin scrub-ass.

..wish I had a player who could hit 10 points.. Fuck.

L - 79.12 (6-9) Shelbyville Shelbyvillian

W - 158.5 (11-4) S3xy Randal Pharaoh Wizards

Welp.

I'd say this game had my emotions all over the place.

I was fuckin psyched when Kirk "tinfoil grilling" Cousins had maybe 9 points at the half. Dude couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Just absolutely embarrassing performance .. until .. that fucking comeback.

This piece of shit Cousins motherfucker is just tossin' bombs left and right to players on his very own team, and wouldn't you know it: the fucker had something going.

Ends up with 40 and change. All while that mother fucker on Indy, Miguel Pitthombre Jr. nabbed 19 points.

I knew it was going to be one fucking helluva uphill battle to even make this respectable.

Unfortunately,, the path lay frought with terrors,,

Me trying to fucking find my way to some mother fucking points.

Josh Jacobs grabbed 13, and Najee got 14 n change.

No one else topped 10. I couldn't even hit 80 points.

Motherfucker doubled my points by .26

Outstanding battle. Or massacre. Whatever.
I got smoked.
I got my cheeks clapped.

Good luck next round, you dick.

Fin.

That's the end of that chapter.

And with it, I want to congratulate you mother fucking winners, the bye-week-havers, and wish them the best of luck in week 16 and beyond.

BUT

Until then, I also want to wish everyone a Happy Christmas and Merry Hanukkah!

And to any of y'alls that ain't celebrating either way, I hope you've been enjoying some general kickin it time this holiday season.

It's been a fun season, and some time I might even have that fucking bracket. I doubt it, but I know y'all are a patient bunch. Capable of keeping calm under duress and giving a lazy piece of shit like myself an extended leash when it comes to getting something as simple as a god damn. mother fucking. stupidly photoshopped. bracket.

So yea. Maybe.

Take care out there you dudes. Much love to you fuckers, and again, have a wonderful weekend. If any of you are betting: may your wagers be true.