Yeah I ain't got shit to lead off with. Tried to scrape some proverbial shit off my shoe and see if I could get 700-900 words from that, but to no avail.

That, it's the second half of our sprint, and I'm busier than a one-legged man in a shitkickin' contest. I gotta figure out a new deployment pipeline and fucking hell nothing's getting built. One of those next-level situations where it's got me wondering if I'm even good enough to be suffering from Imposter's Syndrome.

NFLAILING

Jaggin Saints

This shoudl have been such a larger asskicking than the 31-24 score shows. The Saints look like absolute fucking garbage. The offense is fucking terrible, and the relationship between Olave and Carr is a disaster.

This fuckin Olave guy literally just fuckin gives up mid-route over and over and over.

..and yet this Saints team fucked up the New England Patriots, 34-0. Jesus.

Only thing more pathetic is Amazon's attempt at being an NFL Broadcaster. Those miserable shitbags completely missed this touchdown celebration live:

COME ON. That's one of the better touchdown celebrations I've seen in like, a fucking decade.

Faders @ Brrs

Holy shit, the Raiders are such a disaster of a franchise. They gave up a win to the god damn Shepherd University legend himself: T-Bag.

When Mark Davis finally has the first opportunity to ditch Snake McDaniels I'm sure he'll leap at it and celebrate like he just won a WNBA championship afterward,

Since cheating his way to a 6-0 record on the Denver Dipshits Broncos, Josh McDaniels has mustered up a 14-32 record across three teams he head coached - one of which he literally didn't work a single fucking day for.

Josh is perhaps the greatest grifter the NFL has ever seen as a head coach.

BOROWNS @ Lolts

Man. The worst person you know just won a game.

I know the rest of America shared the same sentiment as I did when Deshaun was taken out after throwing his second interception,

But fuck. The Colts and Wildman Minshew just couldn't seal the deal against one of the most terrifying fucking defenses in the NFL. I want to root for them so fucking badly, but I just can't. Not with that shithead on the roster.

I mean, LOOK AT THIS SHIT:

What the fuck!? Good fucking god Myles Garrett is terrifying.

Bill's @ Greatriots

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

BACK AGAIN.

THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT. FUCK GETTING GRITTY.

LET'S GET GRIDDY.

That made sense, right!?? Maybe? Probably not.

WHO CARES. LET'S LOOK AT THAT GAME WINNING TIDDIE AGAIN

L O L
O
L

Get fucked, Buffalo.

WE RUN THE AFC BEAST

Commies @ GEEEEEEEEE-Men

Failcons @ Buccaroos

FUCK YOU ARTHUR SMITH. I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF BIJAN HAD MIGRAINES. JUST FUCKING MAKE HIM INACTIVE YOU GOD DAMN NO-CHIN-HAVING PILE OF SHIT. FUCK YOU.

Lions @ Ravens

Lions were so fucking terrible that even Greg Olsen looked fantastic in comparison,

Steeeers @ LARms

LA Rams want to win over the hearts and minds of Los Angeles sports fans by embracing their spirit and only showing up for the first part of games, then checking out before the end.

Cards @ Hawks

Did not fucking care about this whatsoever.

So here, have a pretty funny video:

Super Bowl XXXII Pt. 2

Going from Favre and Rodgers to Jordan Love has to be the worst fucking experience for any Green Bay Packers fan that lives off the deep ball.

What a bunch of fuckin losers.

CHARGE @ Taylor Swift's Boyfriend's Team

Facts:

As a self-described shit-stirrer and habitual line-stepper, I am loving how fucking angry people get over references to Taylor Swift during Chiefs games. She's one of the biggest fucking entertainers on the mother fucking planet and attending games of one of the biggest sports on the mother fucking planet.

No fucking shit people might want to talk about the crossover no one saw coming this season.

MIA @ Philly

I hate the Miami Dolphins. This is probably something I've written about a bunch of fucking times, but when it comes to my personal NFL Franchise hatred rankings, they are the 1b. to the Broncos 1a.

To see them fuckin suck ass like this is just ... wonderful.

Did you know that the last time the Dolphins beat a team with a winning record was over a year ago.

God damn fuckin frauds.

Fraudy 9ers @ VIKERS

SPEAKING OF FRAUDS.

GET THOSE TOM BRADY COMPARISONS RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Fantasy Talkin' Time

W (6-1) Ethel St. False Starts

L (3-4) Bloodfeast Islandmen

We got top-heavy vs. all-around.

Ethel St. got himself a slew of great performances, and while his Ford may have broken down after only a couple of weeks (classic Ford), he may be able to stave off the Bloodfeast Islandmen's balls to the wall Llamar Jackson domination.

Bloodfeast needed this win, despite a relatively hot start where he couldn't take a step without shitting out a pile of points, the shnide is real and being 3-4 is simply unacceptable. You'd think that he could seal the deal with this KJ Osborn fuckface.

And because we got an all-time Kirk Cousins performance and for whatever reason, KJ Osborn wasn't a major recipient, Ethel St. False Starts wins this week's,

Congrats. I hope to receive one of these one day.

W (5-2) the peristaltic chain reactions

L (2-5) Team Name

Let's see, it's checks watch 6:16pm Sunday, October 22nd 2023 and Team Name has been pronounced dead.

On further review Tuesday night, Team Name has been pronounced Super Fucking Dead.

I'm kinda fucking shocked that Josh Allen was able to squeeze out 28.3 fucking points after his dismal showing during the first half of the Patriots game, but I suppose given how New England has played so far this season, of fucking course they'd let him sling his way back into being competitive.

Toss in support from Slantman, D'Onta, Jaxon Smith-"my"-Njigba, and Rashee Rice (fucking great pickup), there's just no fuckin way that some Swift Mustard led by Glock Purdy can close the gap,

L (4-3) Combined Arms

W (5-2) America First

50.3 points. This motherfucking dogwhistle of a team had to just bide their time for like 3 weeks; just needing to tread water, and now they have two absolute god damn monsters at running back.

Sure, the combined arms of Waller and the Sun God kept decent pace, but they had to because AJ Dillon and Zack Moss laid some fucking eggs for our glorious commissioner.

Ironically enough our dogwhistle of a team, America First had their fate ultimately decided by how well a roster of Florida Men are able to limit the production of a convocation of Eagles.

..And just in case people were still in suspense: Florida Men got their shit pushed in by aforementioned convocation of Eagles. That must have fucking hurt.

Given how Combined Arms is down and out, I would be doing a disservice by not absolutely slamming them while they were down. And I will be doing this by outright mocking an attempted trade, which will most likely seal my fate moving forward. But I am the media. The Lying Media, and the news must be lied about shared!

• Tony Pollard
• De'Von Achane

What do those two have in common?

Well. Let's say hypothetically, someone were to offer,

• Zack Moss
• Chubba "Hubba-Hubba" Hubbard
• Jamaal Williams

Would this theoretically hypothetical experiment of a trade be worth it? Well, my anonymous sources loudly proclaim: HELL NAWWW.

W (3-4) Team Golder

L (4-3) Sir, This is an RBs

Oh look, someone else who got pretty fucking burned because Arthur Smith didn't fucking just leave Bijan as inactive. Fucking dickbag. Well. Kinda burned. I guess even if all the dominoes fell the right way and Tyler Allgeier took the flex and Gabe Davis were replaced with Christian Watson, this RBs team would have lost anyway.

But whatever. Fuck you Arthur. God damn cartoon-aardvark-name-having-motherfucker.

And god damn, Courtland Sutton is actually a really fucking great offensive player on those Broncos. Why the ever-loving fuck were there so many rumors about Jeudy wanting to be picked up by Belichick? Oh, that's right: Bill is legitimately one of the worst fucking evaluators of wide receiver talen this god damn league has ever fucking seen.

Fuck. Now I'm kinda hungry for roast beef,

Oh no, I opened it up and got this horror show,

L (0-7) Now or Never

W (5-2) Two hotdogs one bun

WELP. I don't want to laugh too hard, or joke that I guess it's going to be never. So I won't.

What I will do is offer you some reassurance that you don't have anything to worry about: you have me next week. And if there's something I'm pretty good at, it's completely botching my fantasy starting roster. The more accurate name change could have been: Now or Next Week.

Loser-talk aside, this fucking Two hotdogs one bun guy really got more like four or five god damn hotdogs in that motherfucker. And yes, I know that doesn't really make sense given the reference but I don't fucking care. I'm just fucking bitter, salty, and angry at all these motherfuckers with quality players shitting points out like its ice cream (but it definitely isn't ice cream).

L (1-6) The Lying Media

W (4-3) SmokinJoeSpouse

Welp. This week definitely didn't start off on the right foot with me looking like an absolute fuckin chode by having three motherfucking defenses on my roster. Like,, I rag on people who have two kickers or defenses on the regular, and now I wake up Saturday to my wife asking me why I had both the Packers and Rams on my bench.

I couldn't even muster up a decent excuse to save face. I just sat there like someone who had no idea they had just pissed themselves, trying to explain why I haven't left to the bathroom and just still pissing myself.

But whatever. It's fine. This matchup isn't going to come down to the defense anyway, and even if it does, I got the one going against Denver. How fuckin bad could it be?

What was I worried about? IT'S THAT I WAS ABSOLUTELY FUCKED BY MY TWO STUDS: BIJAN ROBINSON AND CALVIN RIDLEY.

OK. I have to remain calm. Nothing is fucked dude. It's only checks watch 5:38pm on Sunday.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK IS GOING ON? I HAVE RIDLEY AND BIJAN IN LIKE, 3 OUT OF THE 4 FUCKING LEAGUES I'M EVEN IN.

Sure. Whatever. Ridley was just a non-factor in the fucking Thursday game, shit happens. Targeted 4 times and one reception. Sucks. But whatever.

BUT BIJAN WAS FUCKING ACTIVE. WHY THE FUCK MAKE THE PLAYER ACTIVE IF YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE HIM AS MANY FUCKING HANDOFFS AS YOU DID A REFEREE??

I guess I should give [borat voice] my wife some credit, despite her benching the Gus Bust Bus, she got some great outputs from Mahomes, Godwin and London. At the moment, she is absolutely the only path to the promised land for our household.

Fin.

Welp. That's week seven. I got this shit done later than I wanted, and holy shit I'm sure there are a slew of typos/grammatical errors in here. Not really sure I had a chance to proof-read it at all whatsoever.

But who cares, at least there are a bunch of pretty pictures to look at. Some of them you may actually find to be humorous!

Let's get fucking excited for this final spooktacular week of October! Don't you dare fuckin forget to buy up as much candy as possible, and if you're like me and [borat voice] my wife, you'll have plenty of leftovers to regret eating while binging every single episode of The Fall of the House of Usher in one day.

Oh, we already did that last Saturday? Whoops, looks like we need to buy more candy!

Also, if costumes are your shit, don't forget about those either - otherwise you'll have to scrounge a bunch of random shit together like I did last year. Although, going as an electrician with an actual toolbelt is pretty god damn useful given the amount of pockets/pouches/etc.. it has. I could fit like, 3 handfuls of candy and 4 giant beers in there.

Anyway.. good luck everyone, unless you're playing me in which case, I hope you lose (spoiler: you won't), enjoy the return of IT'S-TOO-EARLY-FOR-FUCKING-FOOTBALL on Sunday with the debut of the Munich Games.

Take care out there, much love to all y'all.