recap - Meet at Dan's Fantasy Football League

Meet at Dan's Fantasy Football League

recap

A collection of 48 posts

Fantasy Football: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

Fantasy Football: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

Vikes @ LAClippers We begin our recap between the battle for that one chick fan who seems kinda cool, Yeah, that's the one! What started with so much promise, actually never started at all because this game in all reality could have been dressed in a colonial rayadillo uniform

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Sorry for bein so late with the column. Stupid god damn Amazon goes down and it keeps me from being able to do fucking do anything. I couldn't drink water, I couldn't watch any god damn TV, I couldn't cook anything on my grill,

The Power of Friendship

The Power of Friendship

WE GOING IN DRY FOLKS, NO FOREPLAY THIS COLUMN, Broncos @ Jets OK. How are these games not starting an international incident? I'm so fucking happy I don't a shit about the London game at all whatsoever. Like, who the fuck gets up for this shit? I&

Trying is the first step towards failure

Trying is the first step towards failure

Hey hey party people! So this week, fuck going over all the games - I ain't got that kind of time, so instead I'm going to just free-flow a bunch of garbage and still end up with some behemoth 2,000+ word shitshow of a column.

Folks, when you're right 52% of the time you're wrong 48% of the time

Folks, when you're right 52% of the time you're wrong 48% of the time

Let's talk football. But first, time to get into the mood: Rainy City Bitch Pigeons @ Cards What in the doodoo-batter-splatter were those Cardinals Jerseys? Now, I consider myself a huge fan of a nice clean jersey, and those fuckers weren't clean whatsoever - by design. Endzones

Is it week 4 already??

Is it week 4 already??

Oh shit, are you all still here? My bad, I guess I did say I'd be back after a couple weeks so here I am. Uhh, well you're definitely not going to get any sort of recap of NFL games like I've done in

A new season has entered the chat

A new season has entered the chat

Welcome welcome welcome! It's time to kick off the 2024 Fantasy Football Season and boy oh boy is this year going to be fucking full of exhausting surprises both on and off the football field. We've got a new kickoff rule that I don't

A holiday feast of microwaved dog poop, but with words

A holiday feast of microwaved dog poop, but with words

So many incredible games over so many days. It was pretty awesome. I caught most of the Thursday game which felt like it took place two weeks ago, and then a bunch of the Saturday games in between scrambling for last minute Christmas purchases and shit. Then came Saturday where

Should have been dead on a Sunday morning banging my head

Should have been dead on a Sunday morning banging my head

Welp. I was hoping that this Holiday column would be absolutely packed with news and memery from week 15 in the NFL, but unfortunately that piece of shit storm that hit the Northeast on Monday completely obliterated our internet and Comcast has done fuck-all to fix any of it. Going

"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

NFL stuffs So like,,, I'm writing this as of approximately [checks watch] 6:41 am sooooooo... yeah. You ain't gettin' SHIT. Maybe next week when I have fewer matchups to cover. .. Oh who am I kidding, I can at least post a handful of bullshit

I used to be with it once

I used to be with it once

Yeah so. This week's gonna be a little lean. While I don't have any league-wide memery to share, I do have specific targets of my ire: Deshaun vs. Burrow It was great watching how happy Joe was for Jake Browning, and I think that type of

Begun the Holiday Season Has

Begun the Holiday Season Has

What am I thankful for? Well, first off I'd have to say all of you motherfuckers. For everyone who tirelessly clicks to open their email, and then clicks again to load the column, and then for those of you who go that extra mile and actually scroll through

Happy Thanksgiving, my dudes

Happy Thanksgiving, my dudes

Happy turkey day everyone! It was kind of a wild week at work so I ain't got shit in regards to recaps for week 11 games. But I can't let y'all walk away empty-handed, so here's my best attempt. Ravens and Bengals

Millennials always walking around like they rent the place

Millennials always walking around like they rent the place

So I spent so much time coming up with these cryptic matchup titles, I kinda just didn't leave myself enough time to actually troll the information superhighway enough to steal memery and share it here. Which is probably for the best given that you've all probably

Baby's first game

Baby's first game

This past Sunday was a momentous occasion. No, not because the Greatriots righted the ship. No, not because I made any sort of shift in fantasy football. And definitely no, I wasn't anywhere the fuck near Munich for that fuckin game. It was mine and Rachel's

See you later, spooky season

See you later, spooky season

Baker Buccos @ Bill's All I got for this one is that Baker Mayfield throws a fucking beautiful hail mary. Just a crying shame Godwin couldn't come down with it, Baker Mayfield with the Perfect Hail Mary and Godwin with the least awareness of the ball in

Help, someone pooped my pants

Help, someone pooped my pants

Yeah I ain't got shit to lead off with. Tried to scrape some proverbial shit off my shoe and see if I could get 700-900 words from that, but to no avail. That, it's the second half of our sprint, and I'm busier than

How you like the apples?

How you like the apples?

I played a little hookie from work and went apple picking last Friday. And let me tell you: I know a thing or two about apples and apple picking. Shit, I'd consider the region I grew up in as the land of Apple Orchards. With the the birthplace

Hello, I’m Commander Biden. Bite to meet you

Hello, I’m Commander Biden. Bite to meet you

New Hampshah So what'd y'all do last Sunday? You all watch some football? Maybe dabble in a little bit of New Generation New England Futility? Perhaps renewing your membership into the fellowship of the miserable? The day “The Fellowship of The Miserable” was born…It was

Postin like an avalanche comin down the mountain

Postin like an avalanche comin down the mountain

Tim Wakefield The Man I know not everyone is a Red Sox fan. I'm sure plenty of you out there actually kinda sorta hate the Red Sox as an organization and team. Understandable. A lot of us die-hard fans hated them too. Shit, Tom Yawkee was a racist

Busier than a cat at a laser show

Busier than a cat at a laser show

Preamble It's come to my attention that people have found some discrepancies in a number of comments I've made in my past. Specifically, my rather mild opinion of, "fuck cheese." Many of you may have called into question the integrity of my entire column

It's easier not to be great

It's easier not to be great

Fuck you, Thor Let me paint the weekend picture for you: It's mid-Friday afternoon, I'm trying to wrap up a bunch of dependency updates while yelling at my computer because fuck you, the tests worked before the update so WHY DON'T THEY KNOW, as

The year is 2512 and the country has completed the 1000th McCarthy Vote, a tradition whose origins have long since been forgotten

The year is 2512 and the country has completed the 1000th McCarthy Vote, a tradition whose origins have long since been forgotten

Holy shit, I'm a little late I BET YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT. Yeah, I don't really know what happened there .. I'm going to point to two factors in my tardiness in publishing: 1. I guess I wanted to wait and see whether or not

Something something Qatari 2600

Something something Qatari 2600

What the fuck I gotta do to get fired around here? All I wanna do is get promoted to customer. For the love of fucking God. Sorry folks, but as you've probably noticed the last 3-4 weeks, my heart is absolutely not fuckin in it. Not sure what

Aaaaand USA Lost

Aaaaand USA Lost

Followed by Poland. Stupid fuckin sport. Late Let's say, hypothetically, that you were, for instance, using my keyboard. Now keep up. Let's say that you, yes you, wanted to type up one of these columns. Hypothetically, of course. Now that we have established that you want