2023

A collection of 22 posts

2023

When they became the Greatriots

I couldn't help it. I wish I could quit you, my link-aggregating habit, but there's just no way. With Belichick getting shit-canned by Robert "rub-n-tug" Kraft, and so many memories flowing back from those early 2000s, I had to post something. I'm

2023

You might remember me from other columns like, "I haven't slept in days," "is there a chance the defense could bend," and "Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius"

TWO OH TWO FOUR I dunno about you fuckers, but I spent this New Year's Eve at home: Playing some Splendor. Drinking local brews (love me some Juice Bag). Eating home made pizza. And that's how I likes it. Not to say that I'm

2023

A holiday feast of microwaved dog poop, but with words

So many incredible games over so many days. It was pretty awesome. I caught most of the Thursday game which felt like it took place two weeks ago, and then a bunch of the Saturday games in between scrambling for last minute Christmas purchases and shit. Then came Saturday where

2023

Should have been dead on a Sunday morning banging my head

Welp. I was hoping that this Holiday column would be absolutely packed with news and memery from week 15 in the NFL, but unfortunately that piece of shit storm that hit the Northeast on Monday completely obliterated our internet and Comcast has done fuck-all to fix any of it. Going

2023

"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

NFL stuffs So like,,, I'm writing this as of approximately [checks watch] 6:41 am sooooooo... yeah. You ain't gettin' SHIT. Maybe next week when I have fewer matchups to cover. .. Oh who am I kidding, I can at least post a handful of bullshit

2023

I used to be with it once

Yeah so. This week's gonna be a little lean. While I don't have any league-wide memery to share, I do have specific targets of my ire: Deshaun vs. Burrow It was great watching how happy Joe was for Jake Browning, and I think that type of

2023

Begun the Holiday Season Has

What am I thankful for? Well, first off I'd have to say all of you motherfuckers. For everyone who tirelessly clicks to open their email, and then clicks again to load the column, and then for those of you who go that extra mile and actually scroll through

2023

Happy Thanksgiving, my dudes

Happy turkey day everyone! It was kind of a wild week at work so I ain't got shit in regards to recaps for week 11 games. But I can't let y'all walk away empty-handed, so here's my best attempt. Ravens and Bengals

2023

Millennials always walking around like they rent the place

So I spent so much time coming up with these cryptic matchup titles, I kinda just didn't leave myself enough time to actually troll the information superhighway enough to steal memery and share it here. Which is probably for the best given that you've all probably

2023

Baby's first game

This past Sunday was a momentous occasion. No, not because the Greatriots righted the ship. No, not because I made any sort of shift in fantasy football. And definitely no, I wasn't anywhere the fuck near Munich for that fuckin game. It was mine and Rachel's

2023

See you later, spooky season

Baker Buccos @ Bill's All I got for this one is that Baker Mayfield throws a fucking beautiful hail mary. Just a crying shame Godwin couldn't come down with it, Baker Mayfield with the Perfect Hail Mary and Godwin with the least awareness of the ball in

2023

Help, someone pooped my pants

Yeah I ain't got shit to lead off with. Tried to scrape some proverbial shit off my shoe and see if I could get 700-900 words from that, but to no avail. That, it's the second half of our sprint, and I'm busier than

2023

How you like the apples?

I played a little hookie from work and went apple picking last Friday. And let me tell you: I know a thing or two about apples and apple picking. Shit, I'd consider the region I grew up in as the land of Apple Orchards. With the the birthplace

2023

Hello, I’m Commander Biden. Bite to meet you

New Hampshah So what'd y'all do last Sunday? You all watch some football? Maybe dabble in a little bit of New Generation New England Futility? Perhaps renewing your membership into the fellowship of the miserable? The day “The Fellowship of The Miserable” was born…It was

2023

Postin like an avalanche comin down the mountain

Tim Wakefield The Man I know not everyone is a Red Sox fan. I'm sure plenty of you out there actually kinda sorta hate the Red Sox as an organization and team. Understandable. A lot of us die-hard fans hated them too. Shit, Tom Yawkee was a racist

2023

Busier than a cat at a laser show

Preamble It's come to my attention that people have found some discrepancies in a number of comments I've made in my past. Specifically, my rather mild opinion of, "fuck cheese." Many of you may have called into question the integrity of my entire column

2023

Battle of the Rotary Fast Foods

As per usual, if you ain't interested in whatever dipshit content I happen to have vomit this week, just scroll on down to the NFL Recapulations! Growing up, there was a rotary dubbed, the Ayer Rotary. Well, it goes by a more official name as well: Frederick Carlton

2023

It's easier not to be great

Fuck you, Thor Let me paint the weekend picture for you: It's mid-Friday afternoon, I'm trying to wrap up a bunch of dependency updates while yelling at my computer because fuck you, the tests worked before the update so WHY DON'T THEY KNOW, as

Week NaN

The Armies of the Unfit

Season Preview And by season preview, I'm going to dish out some of the scalding-hot takes that I've come up with stolen from the stupidest places of the internet. * Jimmy G throws for 40 touchdowns - in Madden when he gets benched for Aidan O'

2023

Picking your friend's nose

Draft Pickery So until I get unbanned from Twitch due to those rather unfortunate comments I made during a live stream of my first round playoff matchup against Pharaoh last season, I'm going to have to author this Reaction Content as a column instead of as a video.

preseason

That magical moment when everyone still has hope

(and no - I don't care if I've used that image before, damn it) What an offseason Welp. Football is back. The Hall of Fame game has taken place - supposedly - and .. well .. I'll talk about it later. It's been what,

2023

The year is 2512 and the country has completed the 1000th McCarthy Vote, a tradition whose origins have long since been forgotten

Holy shit, I'm a little late I BET YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT. Yeah, I don't really know what happened there .. I'm going to point to two factors in my tardiness in publishing: 1. I guess I wanted to wait and see whether or not